Monday, April 19, 2010
The Training of Nurse M.
In the sister to this blog, I wrote about this young nurse I knew, nurse M I call her, and how she and I first entered into a D/s relationship. In actuality it was more complicated than a simple D/s relationship. In bed M. was submissive but certainly not passive. She didn't just lay there, if I put something in front of her she knew what to do with it. I could tell her what I wanted and she would comply. When I felt like it, I could punish her and she could take a severe amount of pain. However, despite all of this she was not what you could really call a slave or even very submissive. She wouldn't wear a collar and leash, would not crawl around the floor for me, neither addressed me as master or sir, made it clear she did not intend on doing anything with another woman for me, and would not even lap water out of a bowl on the floor. She was the first that I imposed the particular (and favorite)humiliation of using her asshole as a candle holder, but that was only because she was already bent over with her hands tied behind her back and probably had no idea what I was shoving up her ass. She was always very anal ,loved anything I did back there. When I entered her it used to hurt her terribly, she would beg and carry on, but nothing ever got her as wet as when I was taking her roughly back there. Nevertheless, though she loved any attention I gave her asshole, she refused to touch it herself when I made her play with herself for my entertainment. So you can see, she was exceptional in many ways, but lacking in some. For unrelated reasons we eventually broke up. We would not see each other for a few years. When we finally did get back together, she was a changed person. That is why I am writing this post for the training blog. I made it clear if we were going to try this relationship again, I expected some things to be different. I have to admit everything was much more complicated than this. I could always tell from the way her body responded that she enjoyed submission, humiliation and punishment much more than she could ever admit. She grew up in a religious and relatively uptight home. I think she felt guilty about some of the things she enjoyed. I was frustrated the first time around by her ability to submit and take punishment for failure to give herself over completely to the submission and to me. I started to explain to her how I felt and what I would like, but she cut me off. She said it was difficult for her to talk about but that she understood what I was referring to. She said she was prepared to do anything I wanted and take anything I did to her. “Anything?” I asked. “Anything” she answered, looking down at the floor. I started to explain that a blanket statement like that could leave her open to----, but she cut me off and said she understood what the word "anything" meant. I said I realize that but surely she needed to discuss limits, possibly on some levels of pain and certainly in ways I would make her perform. I remembered her past caveat about other women, and though this was something I would like, it was also a reasonable limit to be placed in a relationship. However, she stopped me again and said she would leave it to me to set her limits and keep my slave safe. She had never used that word before, though I threw it around occasionally, and then looked into my eyes a moment, then looked down at the floor and said very softly…”Master.” I thought for a few moments and then said: “in the past you said you’d never wear my collar and leash or crawl around on the floor. Now you claim you’ll do anything I say. I guess you spoke to soon, eh slave?”
“Yes sir” she replied.
“I consider that mistake a criticism of what is important to me. What do you think I should do about that?"
“I should be punished for that.” She said.
“And you shall be.” I said. “Now you claim you'll do anything I say, yet you always had so much trouble touching yourself anywhere I demanded, even your breasts or between your legs, but you could never and would never spread your cheeks and touch yourself back there, or put anything into your asshole at my command. Now all of a sudden you're going to be able to do it?” I asked.
“Some thing’s still may be difficult for me. Touching myself, violating myself back there for you to watch, speaking the way you want to hear, using some of the words you want me to and being with other women , are all among the things I imagine you will have to teach me to do as you like. I imagine training your slave will be a task, albeit troublesome, that you could find some enjoyment. I was very inexperienced when we met and you taught me a great many things. Now you would have the added benefit of knowing you can train me in anything at all and punish me as harshly as you want for any failure or transgression.”
This is pretty much what was said and the way it went. Obviously it was more complicated and involved. It seemed she loved being submissive and being punished, and she also knew there were many things she did not give me the way I would have liked. It wasn't that she suddenly wanted to do all these things that she wasn't particularly interested in before. It was her belief that part of the reason I broke up with her was dissatisfaction and that satisfying me and making me happy outweighed some unpleasantness that she might experience with the handful of demands she had never complied with before. She thought this might be the way to make sure she got what she wanted from our relationship. To her a little more pain, humiliation or a distasteful act or two, were not such big deals. Forgoing what she believed at the time could lead to happiness was a much bigger deal for her. This is why she presented me with the offer to Train Nurse M.